Hung out with a good friend after class because her boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with her. It was a complicated relationship. One where it was expected but hoped for the best anyway. Went to the museum with her, filled with long talks, distractions, and just doing what she wanted to pass time. Museum was closing so we went to the engineering building. D: this place, man. I've been there a few times but don't even know where everything is, haha. She wanted to stalk, I let her stalk. We went to maccas afterwards, then walked down to the gate of Botanics then back up North Terrace again. I think I've been through the same phase of not wanting to be alone. You always want someone who genuinely cares for you and who loves you, different from that provided by family and friends. The need to feel loved. To feel like you're the most beautiful creature in the world. Sure, maybe I still feel that way... it's like, love can cure all pain. The difference is that I wouldn't make the first move. She's the kind of girl who will get what she wants. I will always think and tread carefully in life. She's reckless.
Alone. Think about that word. Alone. I become alone when no one talks to me. I feel alone when it feels like no one understands me. I feel alone when no one is thinking on my level. I feel alone when people oppose me. When certain people hate me. When people aren't listening. When I'm told what to do. When people criticise me. When people try to run my life for me. When people tell me things that they think will make things better. When I'm forced to do things I don't want to. When I feel so unhappy and no one cares.... sigh. Getting off track.
I'm just thankful for my friends and that they were there to get me through tough things in life. ♥ you guys understood me and made me feel better by saying things I wanted to hear. It might not be the right things, but it definitely made me feel like you were there for me and cared for me. You never judged. You listened. You stood by me when I was faced with certain situations. You guys told me your opinions as well as letting me think for myself. I think that is what made me a better person. I loved how empowered I felt over myself when I was with my friends. Like I can do things myself and can control my situations. Really made me independent, guyz. Haha. Distraction was what I needed. Study, internet, music, love, and people there to listen to you. Those were the things that kept me going whenever I was down. No one knows me better than myself. Being alone sometimes helps. When I was hanging out with my friend this evening, I just felt so many things in me.. I didn't understand half of what I felt.
I just know that I love Peter so much. And I yet have to hear a story with a happy ending. All this negativity is really getting me down and crushing my dreams. It makes me weary of life itself.
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