Open Water.

Leda is one of my favourite Youtubers.. she's pretty, plays WoW and is an anime-junkie.. She recently made a video listing her flaws. It saddens me to the core to see someone going through a rough patch because I, for sure, have been there. Maybe still am, who knows. Listing flaws can be good to look at things from a different perspective and it also makes you realise how to change for the better. But it's also bad when you dwell only on the bad things. I'm going to list some of the relateable things she talked about in her video.

1. She talked about how she bottles her feelings and thoughts to herself, which I use to do. I now understand that keeping things to myself just made situations worse... it actually makes me explode. Like when something is bothering me and I tell myself to let it go.. a few days later, it somehow comes up again and just makes me feel worse than before. Now when I'm upset or angry, I'm able to confront the situation, talk about the problem and move on. Or if I can't talk to someone, I'd write it down.
2. She talked about how she overthinks everything all the time about whatever she's worried about. Me, I'm still learning as this is a tough one for me. I'm slowly finding distractions like studying, drawing, listening to music, writing in my diary, talking to someone, etc.
3. She's afraid of what others think, finds it hard to say "no", and finds herself changing for those around her. I can relate so much from this just because I want to be perfect in everyone's eyes. I'm always told that it's impossible to please everyone. I don't like letting people down, and I don't like the paranoia feeling of being judged. Trying to be someone I'm not makes me miserable because I feel like I'm losing myself. I'm learning to take things lightly, and realising there are some people you just can't get along with.
4. When I'm happy, I'm super-duper happy and want to share my happiness. When I'm sad, I'm down right depressed and in an unmoveable state. Being like this sucked. Stress, worry comes around.. I understand being sad is normal but I'm still working through it, trying to lessen the sad days. Like I mentioned before, I would preoccupy myself with simple tasks as well as keeping my mind healthy and sleeping +++
5. She tends to think negatively which results to her hating herself. I still do this sometimes but not as much as I use to. I compare myself to others, thought I was inferior to others and always focussed on my flaws. Honestly it's really hard to get through this one because I'm still insecure haha. I guess I'm still finding myself through all this mess...? Maybe.
6. She hates social network. In a modern age like today, it's hard to go places without social media. It keeps up connected and keeps our mind entertained.. but of course the downsides are cyber bullying, online sex predators, and society's definition of perfect for everything. I hated Facebook. It's a site for stalking, cheating, deceit, lies and affairs. One of my fears is being cheated on. It hasn't been done to me before but I'm scared of how it'll make me feel. D: oh I think this is because my trust has been broken countless times in the past. So I guess my main fear is trusting the wrong person.

To sum up, I'm aware I have no self-confidence haha. If you have no self-confidence that leads to a whole lot of shit problems! I'm doing well at the moment, just not wanting to go out where there's a lot of people. Anti-social mode. :D